Wizards First Rule, originally uploaded by alachia.

I used to love to read when I was younger. I would dive into books and read for hours and hours. I loved escaping into the stories and allowing the music playing in the background start to effect the entire mood of the book. There are still some soundtracks that will take me back to certain chapters of books.

But after grad school and being forced to read thousands of pages of stuff I hated, I grew a very strong distaste for reading all together. It was hard to shake that discomfort of physically reading after that so I kind of stopped all together.

I’ve tried several times to pick up a book but after the first page, I’m filled with anxiety and boredom (the overwhelming feelings I had when reading essays for grad school). I’m starting to think I’ll never be able to read a book again which is kind of sad considering I remember how much I used to love it.

I also can’t really justify buying a nifty e-reader in the future if I don’t start reading again. 🙂

The other day, I was killing time at Borders book store before my therapy session and was perusing through the self-help section. There are so many books on how to fix yourself but none of them really made sense to me. I don’t know what qualifies people to write most of this nonsense.

Like this one book my mom gave me called “The Power of the Subconscious Mind” where the author tells you to plant the seed of thought into your head. He then tells you to nourish the seed and let it grow in your subconscious.

One of the examples he used was of a student in his class who really wanted a car so she used the power of the subconscious mind and planted the seed in her head. She visualized what the car would look like, how she would feel getting into it, and even how it would smell. Every day she worked on this visualization and low and behold, one day her uncle died and she inherited his car…….

yeah… I was like wtf?

Anyhow, after giving up on the self-help books, I walked over to the fantasy section and saw Terry Goodkind’s Wizard’s First Rule. I’ve been meaning to read this book ever since watching Legend of the Seeker. My brother considers it one of his favorite all time books. And I’ve only heard great things about this series in particular.

So I figure I’ll pick it up and make myself read at least five pages every day (starting really small so I don’t give up fast). I’m hoping that after the first chapter, I’ll have rebooted my love for reading. I will say the first five pages are already interesting to me as they didn’t begin with a six paragraph description of a leaf blowing in the wind (sorry Robert Jordon). It’ll take me some time to work my way back to trying The Eye of the World again.

I don’t know why but I consider escaping into a fantasy world of books a lot safer than the fantasy world of games. Right now I’m too afraid to get back into gaming for fear that I might lose myself completely to them. The desire to escape or run away from my own emotions in real life are very great. I have to be careful. Books seem like a safer alternative to gaming as they are far less emersive.