Sometimes I wish I believed in a higher power or maybe even just someone who I trusted to know better than me. When you live so deeply in your head, you assume because you have the power to recognize the problem that you can somehow also fix it.

As you get older, unfortunately, you realize there are less and less people around who would even know how to begin to help you no matter how much they might want to. And it’s kind of frustrating thinking you should be smart enough to figure it out on your own. I mean aren’t we supposed to be intelligent beings?

The problem for me was that I had no clarity standing in the middle of my life in the eye of the storm of my troubled head. And it’s true, nearly destroying my life dragging it through the storm has gained me quite a bit of clarity but now I’m not sure how to fix it or if I’ll ever be able to on my own. Sure it’s more quiet I guess in my head but I feel more numb to the world than ever.

I never wanted to disappear so much in my life like a rabbit in a hat.