It’s pretty maddening how sad I can become in such a short period of time. Everything is predictable in the span of time we live and yet for some reason, we can not predict any of the range of things that will begin go to effect our emotions. You just never know when something good or bad will slip in and out of your life.

The one thing about realizing this is that you start to learn to really, really appreciate the times when you are flying and loving the moment. Why aren’t I more alive? Why do I let the darkness always consume me? Who was it that yells seize the day? Horace?

I keep wondering why I don’t expect more out of being human, knowing what is possible and what we’re capable of…and yet I don’t do much but observe and take mental notes. I guess that’s why I’m so invested in the Meta because it’s my way of actually doing something…of being more human than I can dream of in the RL.

Yet, it’s so hard to escape feeling like my life is this horrible broken record that continues to play that same sad tune. One of the only things that makes me feel alive anymore is trying to inject a bit of my consciousness into others who see me and anywhere else I can. I’m like that evil dude in Harry Potter, trying to leave bits of his life essence in objects and people around the world. lol. It’s true though, it helps to keep me sane.

It might be vain but I don’t care. I feel like that’s a huge part of being human. I mean look at it! It’s the essence of life isn’t it? When an animal or person gives birth, they are essentially vainly ensuring a trace of themselves extends beyond their biological body. I just choose to conduit my essence via brainwaves and digital foot prints instead.

And I also love the mutual exchange. It’s not just one to another, it cycles back and is processed and then re-engaged into another conscious and so on and so forth. We are a network of thought and ideas. The human collective is a powerful system as long as you toggle most of your preceptors on. I’ve always loved the idea of the borg.

To truly be able to share a hive mind seems beautiful to me and not scary at all. I think the scary part is where you think of it as mind control like when they introduce the Queen it gets fucked up because then it’s just brain washing and not truly a collective network of all thoughts and ideas. We all pride ourselves in individuality but can you imagine just how much more amazing we’d be if we could see everything through everyone’s mind?

Wow, I’ve managed to distract myself from my initial sadness with this post. That was unexpected. Must find more ways to keep my thoughts on the up and up.