Left Over Chinese Food, originally uploaded by alachia.

I haven’t had much of an appetite lately. I don’t know why. Sometimes when I’m really stressed or when I just have so much stuff on my mind, I don’t hunger for anything.

The last real meal I have had was Friday when I finally made myself warm this left over Chinese food after I realized I hadn’t eaten anything for 30 hours….except a pop tart and of course Diet Sunkist. I think since then I’ve eaten a bowl of that microwave mac-n-cheese and some crackers.

I’ve been worried a lot about my father this past week. My mom called to tell me that his retina detached from his left eye. It’s a genetic condition that actually I am prone too as well but probably not until I’m much older. Anyhow, it’s been really depressing for my father who hasn’t been able to see while his eye heals from the operation they did on it to see if they could fix it.

Due nerves and tensions that effect both eyes, he can’t really see out of the right eye either and has to always lay in a very specific position even while sleeping. Apparently, it is very uncomfortable.

The worst part about it is that my father is like a thousand fold more a busy body than me. He always wants to be doing something. He can’t sit still. He comes from the times when you were taught that you always had to be physically productive (wash the car, clean the house, do the dishes etc). In any case, not being able to see or move much is pretty much breaking him. I hope his sight improves this week.

I’m so dark…soo sooo dark. When my mother calls me to tell me my father has been to the hospital or hell when my mom calls at all, I’ve gotten to this point where I’m half expecting her to tell me she or he has cancer.

They’ve been smoking for like 40 years. I’m always dreading that call. And now that he has eye issues, I begged him to stop smoking because of how smoking causes constrictions in the blood vessels.

They’ve quit twice before in their lives but always picked it up again. Smoking is such a horrific addiction because after so many years it’s not even about the chemical addiction as much as the psychological dependency. I hope this will be the catalyst that finally gets them to stop.

Think I’m gonna go grab another PopTart so that it won’t be another 30hrs until I’ve had a meal. I don’t want to be that loser chick who died from not eating and sleeping because she was stressing and on her computer too much.